31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Chillerama

Chillerama (2011)

Directed by Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green, Joe Lynch

Starring Adam Rifkin, Sarah Mutch, Ray Wise, Eric Roberts, Sean Paul Lockhart, Anton Troy, Gabby West, Adam Robitel, Lin Shaye, Ron Jeremy, Tim Sullivan, Joel David Moore, Kristina Klebe, Kane Hodder, & Richard Riehle

On the last night of operation, a drive in theater is having a final blow out. Four of the rarest, most vile B movies ever made will be shown for all in attendance. First, there’s the atomic terror of a man’s libido gone monstrous in Wadzilla. Next is the beach blanket bingo musical about our changing bodies and sexual metamorphosis; I Was a Teenage Werebear. Third, the unspeakable account of the Nazi’s secret weapon in The Diary of Anne Frankenstein. Finally, the last film is the offensive classic Deathication. But, one of the theater workers is sick with something highly contagious. The last night of this drive in theater might be the last night on earth as everyone is forced to survive a zombie apocalypse.

You’ve got to be in a very specific mindset to watch Chillerama. The film is what would happen when you combine Creepshow with the sensibilities of Troma. There are four parts of this movie including the wrap around story, with a different writer-director for each one. It’s raunchy, disgusting, and goes for the broadest of humor. Every segment of Chillerama is centered around a rather risqué twist of a familiar horror style and then pushed well past the furthest reaches of your imagination and personal taste. If you’re up for watching a group of neon blue oozing zombies hump a guy to death or for seeing a monstrous sperm get it on with the Statue of Liberty, than this movie delivers.

The first segment is Wadzilla, the 1950’monster movie parody from Adam Rifkin (Detroit Rock City). Rifkin himself stars in the story, with great supporting performances from Ray Wise and Eric Roberts. The giant sperm of the title is a stop motion creation that looks kitschy and cool. The Chiodo Brothers of Killer Klowns from Outer Space fame did the special effects and they have a certain vintage cool to them. The segment is tasteless but a lot of fun.

The second story is Tim Sullivan’s (2001 Maniacs, 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams) beach-blanket-bingo/sexual awakening/werewolf musical, I Was a Teenage Werebear. Of all the segments in the movie, this one feels the most out of place. That’s not a slight against it; this story is the most ambitious part of Chillerama. The musical elements work well enough and the werebear makeup is intentionally cheesy. These creatures have the classic greasepaint face of old werewolf films and the leather chaps of actual bears (Google it). The main male actors are gay porn stars trying their hands at more mainstream film work, so their acting and singing isn’t quite where it should be. But overall the music, campy tone, and sheer audacity it took to make this carry you through. In fact, this segment might work better as a feature with a full budget.

Next is Adam Green’s (Hatchet series, Frozen) old school monster horror spoof The Diary of Anne Frankenstein. It’s crass, absurd, and so very funny. What could be a terrible offense is a work of awesome absurdist humor thanks to the cast. Joel Moore plays Hitler as a cartoony buffoon in the mold of Daffy Duck. In a cast that speaks fluent German, Moore’s take speaks absolute gibberish for every line. Couple that with the hilarious homages to low budget monster movies of the 40’s and the off the wall humor of the script and this segment is easily the most entertaining of the four.

The last segment is the wrap around story that frames the film, Joe Lynch’s Zom-B-Movie. Lynch had the hard job of writing and directing the segment that framed everything else and he mostly succeeds. It’s hard to keep an audience interested in characters you see every 20 minutes or so, but the script does a decent job distilling everyone down to the essence of their characters. The special effects are quite good, giving every zombie oozing orifices filled with bright blue goo. It’s an impressive accomplishment to pull off the look of this stuff. Richard Riehle steels the show as the drive in owner dealing with the last night of his business and passion. His performance encapsulates the love of the drive in experience that these filmmakers clearly have.

If you like crass humor, gross out gore and turning taboo subjects into silly horror stories than this is a fine movie. Even if you don’t like those, give Chillerama a try. This was clearly a movie made by guys who really love anthologies and had a specific voice in mind. If anything, in what other movie can you see Hitler get beaten to death with his own arm?

8 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: H.P. Lovecraft's: Necronomicon

H.P. Lovecraft's: Necronomicon (1993)

Directed by Brian Yuzna, Christophe Gans and Shusuke Kaneko

Starring Bruce Payne, Richard Lynch, Jeffrey Combs, Belinda Bauer, David Warner, Maria Ford

Horror author H.P. Lovecraft is visiting a rare monastery that houses a copy of the fabled Necronomicon. He reads the text, only to find it’s filled with stories that have yet to happen and some that already have. As Lovecraft delves further into the text, the monks begin to suspect he knows too much. Machinations start coming into place to keep Lovecraft from ever passing on the Necronomicon’s knowledge.

The framing device is H.P. Lovecraft’s efforts to research the Necronomicon, a book featured heavily in the mythology of his work. Three full segments are very loosely based on Lovecraft stories, but with more added sex and eroticism that would have made the author extraordinarily uncomfortable. The best segments of the four are “The Drowned” by Christophe Gans and the Lovecraft wrap around by Brian Yuzna. Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf, Silent Hill) is a very capable director and he pulls together a great segment inspired by “The Rats in the Walls”. Bruce Payne does well as a recently widowed man visiting his family’s old coastal hotel, only to discover what killed his ancestor many years ago. The segment uses both action and tone to build tension until the explosive finale.

Brian Yuzna’s framing story segment is a lot of fun for one reason: Jeffrey Combs. Combs finally gets to play the man who is partially responsible for his career. As Lovecraft, Combs chooses to play him more inquisitive and adventurous than the real deal. But his performance is the reason you keep watching the segment as it sets up the other stories. No matter the faults with the wrap around, Combs is always worth it.

The other segments aren’t bad; it’s just that they have their own particular problems. Yuzna’s other segment, based on “The Whisperer in Darkness”, is genuinely disturbing. Its ending is very dark and rather vicious to a pregnant woman, but that’s not the problem. The special effects, both cheap and now old, look awful. Creature puppets are rubbery and prosthetic makeup falls short of the images it’s supposed to represent. Shusuke Kaneko’s segment is based on “Cool Air’ and it’s good. The story just doesn’t have the same sick fun of the others. It does, however, have a fine performance by the always game David Warner.

Necronomicon is a decent anthology and a lot of fun if you’re a Jeffrey Combs fan. As long as you can deal with the segments not being completely faithful to Lovecraft’s originals and as long as you don’t mind early 90’s budget special effects, the movie is an entertaining collaborative effort.

7 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Vault of Horror

The Vault of Horror (1973)

Directed by Roy Ward Baker

Starring Terry-Thomas, Curd Jürgens, Tom Baker, Dawn Addams, Denholm Elliott, Michael Craig

Five men exit an elevator and enter a mirrored room they didn’t intend to visit. The strangers see no way out and the elevator will not open, so they decide to relax and tell stories. Each man has had vivid nightmares that they recount, each tale filled with twists and terror. As the men finish each story, they get the unease feeling that they’re all in this room for a terrible reason.

The Vault of Horror is a sequel to Amicus’s 1972 EC Comics adaptation Tales from the Crypt. It has that same steady, if not deliberate pace and good script. All the actors involved are good and perfectly game for every improbable terror to come their way. The only minor difference is the stories. Each segment of this movie is very well done, but Amicus picked stories that aren’t the same caliber of the stories in Tales. There are two that are absolutely great. The first is a story with Daniel Massey as a murderous brother who learns to late about his sister’s strange little town. The other segment has famous fourth Doctor Tom Baker as a troubled painter who seeks supernatural comeuppance for those who profited off his work.

But the remaining stories just don’t have the same impact or tension of the last batch. While entertaining, a story about an abusive neat freak isn’t as memorable as the story about a murderous wife fending off a serial killer Santa on Christmas. The Vault of Horror is not a bad movie, it just could have been better. Or at least, it could have had better stories. The filmmaking is still wonderful craftsmanship and definitely worth watching. Give The Vault of Horror a view sometime, preferably in a double feature with Amicus’s Tales from the Crypt.

8 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Freddy vs. Jason

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Directed by Ronny Yu

Starring Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland

Look, there’s no point in actually recapping the story of Freddy vs. Jason. It is, was, and ever shall be some standard cinematic fluff that sets up kills reminiscent of each franchise and then a big final fight between the two icons of slasher horror. This movie could only hope to reach what even the best crossovers achieve; some big, loud, stupid fun.

There is a story that actually sets up why Jason and Freddy would come to blows and it’s predictable. The characters are paper thin and only get some meat on their bones when fattened for a kill scene. Even the two villains avoid getting any development, but if you don’t know who they are there’s no reason you should be watching this. The various teen murders are pretty well done and certainly entertain; they’re just nothing either franchise hasn’t done before. The main event is actually pretty cool, changing the battleground from Crystal Lake to the dream world at the drop of a hat.

The actors all make the best of the script. The people playing the soon to be murdered teens are all fairly likeable and vanilla. Robert Englund could turn in an entertaining Freddy Kruegar in his sleep, which he did for A Nightmare on Elm Street numbers 4 through Freddy’s Dead. Ken Kirzinger takes the role of Jason Voorhees, replacing series mainstay and definitive Jason Kane Hodder. Since the entire role is staying silent, moving slowly, and hacking people up with a machete, I couldn’t really find anything wrong with Kirzinger’s performance.

You don’t watch Freddy vs. Jason without understanding that this is not going to be a good movie. It’s entertaining fan service that has what could almost be considered a plot. You either want to watch this comic book crossover styled hack and slash fest because you like either franchise, or because you hate yourself. Anyway you cut it; Freddy vs. Jason is some big, loud, stupid fun.

6 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Alien vs. Predator

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Directed by Paul W. S. Anderson

Starring Sanaa Lathan, Lance Henriksen, Raoul Bova, Ewen Bremner, Colin Salmon

These are two massive franchises for 20^th Century Fox. Alien is known for compelling story telling, tense scares, and for the first two films being some of the best work made by their respective directors. Predator, while it doesn’t have the pedigree of the Alien franchise, is known for a tense blend of action and horror. The two properties first crossed over in a comic book series from Dark Horse Comics. The subsequent years’ worth of series, miniseries, and merchandise showed just how profitable an idea this is. This movie should be a no-brainer, with decades of stories to draw from and the guaranteed cash of eager fanboys. Unfortunately, Alien vs. Predator is such a profound failure that not even the most ardent of fans could find it worthwhile.

Let’s start off with the films two biggest, most glaring flaws. First, it was directed by occasional talent and full time hack Paul W. S. Anderson. Anderson has the occasional bright spot in his filmography, like the creepy space horror flick Event Horizon. He also has numerous Resident Evil movies and the Mortal Kombat movies under the writer/director/producer umbrella. This is a director who at best strives for aggressive mediocrity.

Second, the studio insisted on making the film for a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 rating ensures a more theater revenue because of the wider audience that would be excluded from an R release. So the level of visceral violence, gore, swear words, and tense scares both franchises are known for have to be scaled back for the preteen audience the movie would surely attract.

The story in concept could make for a good horror movie. There’s a mysterious pyramid buried under the ice of the Antarctic and digging it out reveals two alien scourges nobody is prepared for. That description right there could be the pitch for countless, Lovecraftian sci-fi horror films. There’s questions of alien visitation in human history, who or what are our gods, and plenty of other interesting themes that a decent director and writer could churn into a very compelling piece of genre filmmaking. However, the story isn’t executed all that well and favors mindless violence over the big ideas.

The action and special effects look very good. There are a lot of full costumes and prosthetics used here, with more people in alien suits than the entirety of Alien Resurrection. The predators, even under the ridiculous plate armor, look fine. If there’s one thing Anderson really can do well, it’s special effects driven action scenes. The CGI, actors in suits, and fight choreography work well together.

The fights just drag on forever and don’t have the impact they should because of the lack of gore. Sure, everything is bleeding bright green or mustardy yellow, but the creature fights just don’t feel like there’s any weight to them. It’s kind of like watching someone play fight with two toys, but in a feature film. The aliens and predators aren’t exactly fully developed characters and the humans aren’t much better fleshed out. So, every fight and kill has little emotional impact behind it.

For the most part, the cast is pretty disposable. Even lead actress Sanaa Lathan looks woefully out of place trying to spout some horrendous lines and deal with yet another special effects shot. The only bright spot is Lance Henriksen as the dying industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland. You actually get the sense that this man is living on borrowed time and you feel his desperation to make a historic discovery.

This movie is such a disappointment for so many reasons. The story starts somewhat promisingly and devolves into joyless fight scenes. The edge that comes from both franchises is neutered by a rating that no film in either series should ever receive. Overall, and most damning, Alien vs. Predator is offensively not entertaining and intellectually deficient. Just avoid the movie and rewatch anything else from either series.

4 out of 10