31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Monster Squad

The Monster Squad (1987)

Directed by Fred Dekker

Starring Andre Gower, Duncan Regehr, Stephen Macht, Stan Shaw, and Tom Noonan

Every century, there is a chance for the forces of good to banish the forces of evil into a Limbo dimension.  With an ancient amulet, an incantation can be read that will open a wormhole to this dimension and take all the evil monsters with it.  Prof. Van Helsing tried to do such a thing and failed.  One hundred years later, the time has come again.  Count Dracula and his monstrous henchman-Wolfman, Gill-Man, a mummy, and the Frankenstein Creature- are trying to destroy the amulet before the portal can be opened.  The only thing standing in their way is a group of children obsessed with horror movies. Sean and his friends Patrick, Horace, and Eugene, formed their own club dedicated to all things horror: The Monster Squad.  Together with older cool kid Rudy, Sean’s younger sister Phoebe, and their old German neighbor, the squad will gather the diary of Van Helsing and the amulet to combat Dracula’s plans.  It comes down to four ancient monsters versus a group of preteens for the fate of the world. 

This is one of the horror gems to come out of the 1980s, directed by the underrated Fred Dekker.  The script written by Dekker and veteran comedy/action screenwriter Shane Black is killer.  The dialogue and one-liners are stellar, keeping you laughing from the start.  While they do certain things to keep the rating below R, there is still quite a bit the two get away with.  Words like “dork” and “gnards” are used in place of harsher language to keep the rating down.  At first it is a little grating, but it quickly becomes just another element of the movie’s humor.  Once you hear the kids discussing a Wolfman’s genitalia in those terms, the film becomes awesome.  The action and scares do not hit until a little into the movie.  But once they do, it becomes a lot more fun.  Teenagers are turned into vampire consorts, a werewolf tries to kill the squad multiple times, and Dracula has a big rampage scene that is at the pace of a calm stroll.  This all makes for some highly enjoyable horror comedy. 

The kids are all likeable and have some really good moments.  Phoebe gets some touching scenes with Frankenstein’s creature, Rudy gets to show the club why he belongs, and Horace proves that no one should mess with him.  Sean has a nice little ark where he finally proves himself a worthy threat to the Count.  The monsters also have their own little defining moments.  Frankenstein’s creature builds a relationship with Phoebe that reminds you of E.T. while visually referencing the Universal classic.  Dracula has one of the most hilariously over the top reactions to the squad foiling his plans, doing something you would only expect from an 80s action movie villain.  The characters are all pretty interesting and help move the story along quite nicely. 

The creature designs and the special FX are serviceable and charming.  Dracula and the Wolfman get the short end of the aesthetic stick.  Dracula still looks like he did when Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee played him: he looks like the pimpest Count there ever was.  But there is nothing new added to the overall look.  The Wolfman ends up looking more like a shrew that Hulked out.  But, his transformation sequence is quite nice.  The Gill-Man has the best of both design and implementation.  The suit looks decidedly fishy and imposing, invoking the Black Lagoon look while being its own thing.  The battle effects look good even by today’s standards.  These baddies are blown up, staked, and kicked in the gnards to great effect.  It is as visually pleasing as one could hope.

Your childhood is not complete without a viewing of the Fred Dekker classic, The Monster Squad.  Essentially, the movie is a mash up of the Universal monster classics and a more white bread version of The Goonies.  If you have seen Dekker’s other classic 80s horror film, Night of the Creeps, than you should check this out.  If you have not, this is still an excellent choice for your movie night.

8 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Bordello of Blood

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood (1996)

Directed by Gilbert Adler

Starring Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, and Phil Fondacaro

            Vincent is an explorer looking for the resting place of Lilith, mother of all vampires.  Once he finds the site in the middle of a forest, he takes out a box contain Lilith’s heart in four sections.  Vincent puts her heart back inside of her, and Lilith reanimates.  After killing his associates, Lilith promises to work for Vincent.  The Crypt Keeper then comes in to introduce the movie and get into some shenanigans of his own.  We next see Katherine and Caleb, brother and sister with very different lifestyles.  Katherine is not alright with Caleb’s troublemaking, making for a contentious relationship.  Caleb goes out with a friend to a bar, where they hear about this funeral home that is a front for a secret brothel.  The two head to the brothel and soon find they bit off more than they can chew.  Katherine hires P.I. Rafe Guttman to find her brother when he does not come home.  Once Guttman unravels the secret of Caleb’s disappearance, him and Katherine are going to find themselves neck deep in vampires.

            After the solid outing last time with Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood is a big disappointment.  The tone is different from the previous movie and not in a good way.  This movie favors camp over all but never quite makes it there.  Instead, we have a movie that is trying to be bad on purpose and failing.  When that happens, it is not pretty.  There are some moments that really work well.  When Guttman and the scheming Rev. Current storm the brothel with holy water super soakers, it turns into this fun little blood bath.  Plus, the scene is set to The Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz”, marking one of the few excellent choices made about this movie.  But that one part does not make up for the rest of this mess.  The scares and humor are mostly gone, giving way to gore for shock’s sake and terrible attempts at campy fun. 

With Everhart and Miller, the film has two leads trying their best to “act”.  Angie Everhart plays Lilith under the very simple direction of “vamp it up”.  Seduction is staring intently and talking in a low voice.  Rage is staring intently and speaking loudly while heavily bloodied.  She is a poorly constructed caricature with teeth and not much bite.  Dennis Miller might be able to pull off a decent performance, but not in this movie.  He plays Guttman with a little too much snarky attitude, like he is about go off on a rant in the middle of staking someone.  Also, it does not help that Miller has some truly awful lines to deliver.  They can go everywhere from clichéd to cringe inducing, sometimes within the same sentence.  The only bright spots in the cast are Corey Feldman and Chris Sarandon.  Both play against their traditional parts in vamp movies, with Sarandon as the sleazy priest and Feldman as the sleazy vampire.  They both swing for the fences and try to have fun with their roles, which makes watching them enjoyable. 

There is no real reason to watch Bordello of Blood.  Even if you are curious about the next Crypt movie, avoid this like the plague.  There are better campy or so-bad-it’s-good movies out there.  It cannot function as trashy fun, because for that to work it would have to be fun. 

4 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Demon Knight

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight (1995)

Directed by Ernest Dickerson

Starring William Sadler, Billy Zane, Jada Pinkett Smith, Thomas Haden Church, and CCH Pounder

            The Crypt Keeper goes through his usual puns and jokes before introducing a story in mid chase.  Frank Brayker is trying to outrace a fiendish demon in a cowboy hat.  Brayker has an artifact of great power that he needs to keep away from this infernal antagonist, The Collector.  Brayker manages to ditch Collector and attract the ire of local law enforcement, causing him to slink away to the nearest safe spot.  He stumbles upon a boarding house full of colorful characters, hoping to hide amongst them.  When The Collector and the police show up to detain Brayker, all hell breaks loose.  Now, the ragtag band of residents and Brayker will have to work together to keep the key to everything falling into the hands of pure evil. 

            Demon Knight is a solid movie with a good script and an interesting story.  It is a slow burn siege movie that focuses on good characters and great dialogue.  You get a lot of who these people are from just a few lines and a little body language.  This is all done while gradually advancing the plot between Brayker and The Collector, taking their high speed chase to some claustrophobic encounters within the boarding house.  The story itself includes a detailed and well done history to these two characters and what their quests mean for the supporting players.  For a Carpenter style siege flick, there is a lot of time taken to explain what is at stake and make you care about the situation. 

            The acting is all over the place, but quality work.  William Sadler is a character actor who finally got the lead in this movie and he delivers.  In the midst of all the craziness, Sadler’s Brayker is cool and collected.  His every move speaks to the weariness of carrying such a huge burden for so long.  Billy Zane does not even try to ground The Collector in any kind of reality.  He chews scenery like he has not been fed in weeks.  Zane’s campy and over the top performance is excellent; making all those great lines have an extra punch of menace and comic whimsy.  CCH Pounder and Dick Miller also turn in some solid work as the boarding house owner and the town drunk respectively. 

            The special FX and creature makeup are serviceable, but not great.  The demon killing looks dated now, with some green lightning shooting out of their eyes every time they bite the dust.  It does not take you too much out of the movie, and the demons help reel you back in.  Their design is creepy enough and certainly worthy of the Tales from the Crypt name.  The gore is pretty standard fair, but it works.

            Demon Knight is a pretty great horror movie and an admirable attempt at bringing the show into film.  If you love hearing that familiar music and high pitched ghoul introduce something, check this out.  If you are jonesing for a good horror movie with some twisted humor and engaging story, I highly recommend it.

8 out of 10