Alien
vs. Predator (2004)
Directed
by Paul W. S. Anderson
Starring
Sanaa Lathan, Lance Henriksen, Raoul Bova, Ewen Bremner, Colin Salmon
These
are two massive franchises for 20th Century Fox. Alien is known for compelling story
telling, tense scares, and for the first two films being some of the best work
made by their respective directors. Predator,
while it doesn’t have the pedigree of the Alien
franchise, is known for a tense blend of action and horror. The two properties
first crossed over in a comic book series from Dark Horse Comics. The subsequent
years’ worth of series, miniseries, and merchandise showed just how profitable
an idea this is. This movie should be a no-brainer, with decades of stories to
draw from and the guaranteed cash of eager fanboys. Unfortunately, Alien vs. Predator is such a profound
failure that not even the most ardent of fans could find it worthwhile.
Let’s
start off with the films two biggest, most glaring flaws. First, it was
directed by occasional talent and full time hack Paul W. S. Anderson. Anderson
has the occasional bright spot in his filmography, like the creepy space horror
flick Event Horizon. He also has
numerous Resident Evil movies and the
Mortal Kombat movies under the
writer/director/producer umbrella. This is a director who at best strives for
aggressive mediocrity.
Second,
the studio insisted on making the film for a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 rating
ensures a more theater revenue because of the wider audience that would be
excluded from an R release. So the level of visceral violence, gore, swear
words, and tense scares both franchises are known for have to be scaled back
for the preteen audience the movie would surely attract.
The
story in concept could make for a good horror movie. There’s a mysterious
pyramid buried under the ice of the Antarctic and digging it out reveals two
alien scourges nobody is prepared for. That description right there could be
the pitch for countless, Lovecraftian sci-fi horror films. There’s questions of
alien visitation in human history, who or what are our gods, and plenty of
other interesting themes that a decent director and writer could churn into a
very compelling piece of genre filmmaking. However, the story isn’t executed
all that well and favors mindless violence over the big ideas.
The
action and special effects look very good. There are a lot of full costumes and
prosthetics used here, with more people in alien suits than the entirety of Alien Resurrection. The predators, even
under the ridiculous plate armor, look fine. If there’s one thing Anderson
really can do well, it’s special effects driven action scenes. The CGI, actors
in suits, and fight choreography work well together.
The
fights just drag on forever and don’t have the impact they should because of
the lack of gore. Sure, everything is bleeding bright green or mustardy yellow,
but the creature fights just don’t feel like there’s any weight to them. It’s
kind of like watching someone play fight with two toys, but in a feature film. The
aliens and predators aren’t exactly fully developed characters and the humans
aren’t much better fleshed out. So, every fight and kill has little emotional
impact behind it.
For
the most part, the cast is pretty disposable. Even lead actress Sanaa Lathan
looks woefully out of place trying to spout some horrendous lines and deal with
yet another special effects shot. The only bright spot is Lance Henriksen as
the dying industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland. You actually get the sense that
this man is living on borrowed time and you feel his desperation to make a
historic discovery.
This
movie is such a disappointment for so many reasons. The story starts somewhat promisingly
and devolves into joyless fight scenes. The edge that comes from both
franchises is neutered by a rating that no film in either series should ever receive.
Overall, and most damning, Alien vs.
Predator is offensively not entertaining and intellectually deficient. Just
avoid the movie and rewatch anything else from either series.
4 out of 10
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