31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Alien vs. Predator

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Directed by Paul W. S. Anderson

Starring Sanaa Lathan, Lance Henriksen, Raoul Bova, Ewen Bremner, Colin Salmon

These are two massive franchises for 20^th Century Fox. Alien is known for compelling story telling, tense scares, and for the first two films being some of the best work made by their respective directors. Predator, while it doesn’t have the pedigree of the Alien franchise, is known for a tense blend of action and horror. The two properties first crossed over in a comic book series from Dark Horse Comics. The subsequent years’ worth of series, miniseries, and merchandise showed just how profitable an idea this is. This movie should be a no-brainer, with decades of stories to draw from and the guaranteed cash of eager fanboys. Unfortunately, Alien vs. Predator is such a profound failure that not even the most ardent of fans could find it worthwhile.

Let’s start off with the films two biggest, most glaring flaws. First, it was directed by occasional talent and full time hack Paul W. S. Anderson. Anderson has the occasional bright spot in his filmography, like the creepy space horror flick Event Horizon. He also has numerous Resident Evil movies and the Mortal Kombat movies under the writer/director/producer umbrella. This is a director who at best strives for aggressive mediocrity.

Second, the studio insisted on making the film for a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 rating ensures a more theater revenue because of the wider audience that would be excluded from an R release. So the level of visceral violence, gore, swear words, and tense scares both franchises are known for have to be scaled back for the preteen audience the movie would surely attract.

The story in concept could make for a good horror movie. There’s a mysterious pyramid buried under the ice of the Antarctic and digging it out reveals two alien scourges nobody is prepared for. That description right there could be the pitch for countless, Lovecraftian sci-fi horror films. There’s questions of alien visitation in human history, who or what are our gods, and plenty of other interesting themes that a decent director and writer could churn into a very compelling piece of genre filmmaking. However, the story isn’t executed all that well and favors mindless violence over the big ideas.

The action and special effects look very good. There are a lot of full costumes and prosthetics used here, with more people in alien suits than the entirety of Alien Resurrection. The predators, even under the ridiculous plate armor, look fine. If there’s one thing Anderson really can do well, it’s special effects driven action scenes. The CGI, actors in suits, and fight choreography work well together.

The fights just drag on forever and don’t have the impact they should because of the lack of gore. Sure, everything is bleeding bright green or mustardy yellow, but the creature fights just don’t feel like there’s any weight to them. It’s kind of like watching someone play fight with two toys, but in a feature film. The aliens and predators aren’t exactly fully developed characters and the humans aren’t much better fleshed out. So, every fight and kill has little emotional impact behind it.

For the most part, the cast is pretty disposable. Even lead actress Sanaa Lathan looks woefully out of place trying to spout some horrendous lines and deal with yet another special effects shot. The only bright spot is Lance Henriksen as the dying industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland. You actually get the sense that this man is living on borrowed time and you feel his desperation to make a historic discovery.

This movie is such a disappointment for so many reasons. The story starts somewhat promisingly and devolves into joyless fight scenes. The edge that comes from both franchises is neutered by a rating that no film in either series should ever receive. Overall, and most damning, Alien vs. Predator is offensively not entertaining and intellectually deficient. Just avoid the movie and rewatch anything else from either series.

4 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Thing (2011)

The Thing (2011)

Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.

Staring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, & Eric Christian Olsen

Paleontologist Kate Lloyd gets the invitation of her career when she’s asked to lend her expertise to a spacecraft and organism discovery in the Antarctic. When she helps the Norwegian team who discovered it extract the frozen life form from the ice, all hell breaks loose. The alien creature wasn’t what it appeared to be: it’s really a being that absorbs other life forms and imitates them near perfectly. Now the crew can’t trust each other, as they’re picked off and exposed one by one. Kate has to out-think a devouring force from beyond the stars to avoid becoming one with the thing.

This movie has everything stacked against it. It’s a prequel to a commercial flop that’s now revered in horror cinema. It’s the debut film of a music video director with no previous genre experience. It has that smell of “just for the money” remake. It replaces the spectacular practical effects of the John Carpenter original with copious amounts of CGI. Also, I personally think Carpenter’s film is the best horror movie ever made and his best work as a director. Yet somehow, the prequel to The Thing isn’t completely terrible. Actually, it’s pretty competent and genuinely entertaining.

The 2011 The Thing isn’t a classic like the 1982 film, but it’s also not the most offensive horror remake/reboot of the last decade nor of a John Carpenter movie (that dubious honor belongs to Rob Zombie’s Halloween). The script makes sure to hit nearly every story beat the original did. The protagonist finds a way to test whether or not people were absorbed, although it’s far less ingenious than MacReady’s blood test. There’s an explosive infected reveal in the middle of a flamethrower standoff. What’s new in the story is only there to setup the continuity of the original movie. If you ever wanted to know why there’s randomly an axe in the door of the Norwegian base, this movie will finally tell you.

Really, the story is just there to set up the next thing reveal and the events of Carpenter’s movie. The movie would probably have benefited from not being beholden to the original film’s events, instead being a full-fledged reboot. The remake treatment would also make the change in the creature action more logical. While it is disappointing that the final cut didn’t favor practical effects for the transformations, something that made the 1982 Thing gruesomely terrifying, the computer renderings do an admirable job of showing off some inventively twisted designs.

The pacing of the alien attacks in the 1982 film was determined by how the practical effects work. Carpenter worked around the limitations and made the scenes work better than they should have. The CGI greatly increases the speed and flexibility of the absorbed, turning these creatures into video game fodder. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. plays it for all its worth, so the modernistic change isn’t entirely a waste. In fact, Heijningen handles everything pretty well. It should be a testament to his directing ability that he made such bare characters and aggressively different antagonists work in spite of the script’s short comings.

The cast does fine with what they have. The script leaves every character pretty thin, but all involved manage to make their monster fodder likeable enough. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is cool headed and logical in the face of an unprecedented situation, so she manages to lead the movie fairly well.

The Thing is not a worthy successor to John Carpenter’s best film. But, it’s not without some thrills and well-made action sequences. The movie occasionally rises above the obvious quick cash grab treatment modern remakes get, and I am relieved that The Thing doesn’t absolutely suck.

6 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Alien

Alien (1979)

Directed by Ridley Scott

Starring Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright, Ian Holm, Harry Dean Stanton, and John Hurt

            Look, there is not a thing I could say that has not already been said about Alien.  It is a classic for a reason.  Alien is essentially an old dark house movie with elements of a creature feature and a slasher flick.  The character work is strong and memorable, giving us the greatest screen heroine in horror and sci-fi.  Dan O’Bannon wrote a solid screenplay that is filled with memorable lines.  The creature design by H.R. Geiger is out of this world.  Ridley Scott is a fantastic director that can take all these elements and put them together without conflicting with each other.  If you have not seen Alien, you should view it now.  It will enrich your view of film and terrify you at the same time.  Like all who see it, you will come to admire its purity. 

10 out of 10