31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Cemetery Man

Cemetery Man (1994)

Directed by Michele Soavi

Starring Rupert Everett, François Hadji-Lazaro, Anna Falchi

Every night in the small Italian town of Buffalora, Francesco Dellamorte kills the recently deceased. The cemetery watchman is duty bound to kill the living dead when they rise from their graves after seven days in the ground. The local government has no problem believing Francesco battles zombies all night, the mayor is even quite grateful. But he won’t assign anyone to help or relieve Francesco of his obligations. With only his mentally handicapped assistant for company, Francesco is stuck in an endless cycle of killing the dead. But he meets a woman who changes everything and they fall in love, only for her to die. And then die again at his hands. But then Francesco sees her alive again, except it’s a different woman. And he meets another woman that looks just like his lost love. Francesco doesn’t know what to make of this, but it’s all part of his journey through love and death.

There’s no description of Cemetery Man that will really do it justice. The script is based on a novel by the creator of Italian comic book hit Dylan Dog, Tiziano Sclavi. Is it a reflection on life, love, and death? Is it a slapstick/existential horror comedy about a man in Sisyphean cycle? Is it an art house zombie film? It’s all of those things and more. To me, Cemetery Man is a stylish meditation on the mundanities of life and the inevitability of death. But I’m not even sure that’s right. The movie allows for multiple interpretations.

Director Michele Soavi isn’t all that interested in providing answers. He lays on the symbolism thick and loves mixing it up with a great deal of physical comedy. The whole movie is very dreamlike. The seemingly inescapable nature of Francesco’s life, the hazy focus of every daylight shot, and the Three Stooges inspired shticks all make for an unreal narrative. Instead of feeling unfocused, Cemetery Man earns a unique style that’s both entertaining and contemplative. It’s like the screenplay for Evil Dead 2 got mixed with a philosophy thesis paper and an Italian culture midterm.

The makeup and practical effects are fantastic. The zombies look so wonderfully wretched, finding an odd beauty in decay. They have a dirtier look because of their recent exit from the grave. Some even have bits of shrubbery and plant roots in them. Francesco also sees the Grim Reaper, who appears in full daylight to speak with him. The Reaper looks absolutely ethereal through costume, makeup and a little puppetry. Cemetery Man is all around an awesome show of practical effects craftsmanship.

Rupert Everett does well as Francesco, ably conveying the numbness of his existence while also pulling off the longing and frustration. François Hadji-Lazaro is hilarious as Gnaghi, Francesco’s mentally handicapped assistant who only says “Gna”. The slapstick and physical comedy is relegated to Hadji-Lazaro’s part and he pulls it off splendidly. Anna Falchi doesn’t really have the material the other characters get, so her acting leaves a little to be desired. However, she does manage to play three different parts in addition to appearing full zombie and fully naked. So, she definitely has the guts to tackle a lot in one movie.

Cemetery Man is so beautiful, imaginative, and fun. If you don’t mind a lack of answers and a lot of eroticism (from both Everett and Falchi), this movie is a real gem.

9 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Dead Alive

Dead Alive (1992)

Directed by Peter Jackson

Starring Timothy Balme, Diana Penalver, Elizabeth Moody, and Ian Watkin

            The year is 1957.  On the infamous Skull Island, a man is attempting to smuggle out some unstable cargo.  This man procured the wicked Sumatran Rat-Monkey, a creature of terrible legend.  When he is bit by the caged specimen, his local guides cut him up to stop the rat’s evil from spreading.  The guides do, however, collect the money for delivering the cage to a waiting airplane.  The monkey is the newest attraction at the Wellington Zoo in New Zealand.  Meanwhile, Lionel Cosgrove is in a bad spot.  His authoritarian mother controls his life.  This makes it hard for her when Lionel starts seeing the local shopkeeper’s daughter, Paquita.  Lionel and Paquita are followed by Mrs. Cosgrove on a date to the zoo.  While spying on the couple, Mrs. Cosgrove gets bitten by the displayed Rat-Monkey.  She immediately takes ill and physically falls apart.  When she dies, Lionel does not know what to do.  When she comes back from the dead, Lionel is even more lost.  As he hides his mother’s new condition, it gets harder to keep the secret from his friends and neighbors.  To make matters worse, Lionel’s sleazy Uncle Les starts going after the estate.  Soon enough, Mrs. Cosgrove breaks loose and spreads her disease to some random folk.  As the infected numbers grow larger, Lionel will have to finally stand up for himself and stop his mother from controlling his life. 

            Before Lord of the Rings and Peter Jackson’s assent into mainstream movies, he made some pretty twisted flicks in New Zealand.  Of all these tasteless, deplorable, and sickening films, Dead Alive is probably his best known early work.  It was released under the title Brain Dead and then Dead Alive in North America.  This movie manages to blend slapstick comedy and buckets of gore better than Evil Dead 2.  Like a deranged Buster Keaton routine, there are some hilariously horrific moments in Dead Alive.  There is a scene involving Lionel and an undead baby-monster in a park that is laugh out loud funny.  The gore is way over the top, with sentient intestines chasing people and heads splitting open.  The battle scene in the main hall of Lionel’s house is one of the bloodiest bits of film I have ever seen.  If you ever wondered what a weaponized lawn mower could do to a crowd of zombies, this movie is for you. 

            The actors all make fine work of the lunacy that is this film.  Timothy Balme does a fine job of playing Lionel.  You can see the conflict in his face when his responsibilities to his mother get in the way of a normal life.  Elizabeth Moody has the part of overbearing mother down and has fun twisting it while undead.  The true scene stealer is Stephen Papps as Father McGruder.  Papps has a fight scene that is unexpected and extraordinary.  This movie has a lot of those kinds of moments.  Little things build up to create a series of scenes that are hard to forget, with the ending toping it all off.  The final confrontation between Lionel and his mother could make a Freudian scholar spontaneously combust.  It is too good to spoil here. 

            The effects are creative and wonderfully icky.  The humor is decidedly devilish and drenched in blood.  The enthusiasm for this project can be felt in every frame.  Dead Alive is the hidden gem of Peter Jackson’s career.  Go find it and take it in, then spread the disease and show it to your friends. 

10 out of 10

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Dead Snow

Dead Snow (2009)

Directed by Tommy Wirkola

Starring Charlotte Frogner, Stig Frode Henriksen, Bjørn Sundquist, Ane Dahl Torp, Jenny Skavlan

            A friendly bunch of Norwegian medical students goes to the Alps for some drinking, skiing, and debauchery.  They are busy getting down when a mysterious hiker knock on their door.  He tells them about this mountainside’s history.  Nazis occupied through WWII, taking the precious valuables of all those who lived there.  The Nazi's greed is said to be so great, people still see them looking for all the gold the residents hid from them.  The students brush off the crazy story and get back to their partying.  Everything is fine until they find a box of gold hidden in the floorboards.  When the riches are discovered, all hell breaks loose.  The cabin is beset by undead Nazis, working as a unit to take down their meager defenses.  These friends will have to start fighting back or face the wrath of a long dead evil. 

            Nazi zombies, much like werewolf cowboys and vampire investment bankers, are the stuff of horror gold.  It is that perfect combination of antagonistic forces into one supreme monster.  Any movie with Nazi zombies, no matter how terrible it may be, gets brownie points for picking their source of terror.  The look of the aforementioned baddies is lovingly detailed.  The uniforms look authentic and authentically worn out.  The zombie makeup makes frostbite and rot look good.  And even though they look great, some of the scariest moments are when we do not see them.  The first fourty minutes or so treat the zombies like the shark in Jaws: we only see hints of them in the cold darkness of night.  Wirkola and company understand the inherent scares that can spring from the idea, but also see the wonderful comedic opportunities that it brings.  People cauterize wounds only to find undead things gnawing on sensitive areas, or have a prolonged fistfight end with a regiment of zombies waiting.  While not as slapstick as Evil Dead 2 or Dead Alive, Dead Snow has a wickedly dark sense of humor that never stops abusing its subjects. 

            The character work in Dead Snow is top notch.  These people are likeable and intelligent, recognizing early on that these things attacking them are zombies.  This inspires them to follow the movie rules and come up with some rules of engagement.  All the actors do a fine job, but Jeppe Laursen nails it as Erlend.  The movie nerd of the group, Laursen’s Erlend is both endearing and hilarious all the way to his horrific end.  Plus, he wears a Brain Dead t-shirt and that counts for something.  A word of warning to any potential viewer; Dead Snow is brutal with its characters.  It is not too much of a spoiler to say that things do not end well for anyone involved.  However, the ways these characters meet their ends are astounding.  The practical effects are nothing short of jaw dropping.  They are both a pleasure to watch and difficult to sit through. 

            Dead Snow is a new classic.  It is unrelenting, mildly disturbing, and amusingly twisted.  For the horror fan with a taste for the nasty, check this out and brush up on your Norwegian death-screams.  

9 out of 10