Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood (1996)
Directed by Gilbert Adler
Starring Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, and Phil Fondacaro
Vincent is an explorer looking for the resting place of Lilith, mother of all vampires. Once he finds the site in the middle of a forest, he takes out a box contain Lilith’s heart in four sections. Vincent puts her heart back inside of her, and Lilith reanimates. After killing his associates, Lilith promises to work for Vincent. The Crypt Keeper then comes in to introduce the movie and get into some shenanigans of his own. We next see Katherine and Caleb, brother and sister with very different lifestyles. Katherine is not alright with Caleb’s troublemaking, making for a contentious relationship. Caleb goes out with a friend to a bar, where they hear about this funeral home that is a front for a secret brothel. The two head to the brothel and soon find they bit off more than they can chew. Katherine hires P.I. Rafe Guttman to find her brother when he does not come home. Once Guttman unravels the secret of Caleb’s disappearance, him and Katherine are going to find themselves neck deep in vampires.
After the solid outing last time with Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood is a big disappointment. The tone is different from the previous movie and not in a good way. This movie favors camp over all but never quite makes it there. Instead, we have a movie that is trying to be bad on purpose and failing. When that happens, it is not pretty. There are some moments that really work well. When Guttman and the scheming Rev. Current storm the brothel with holy water super soakers, it turns into this fun little blood bath. Plus, the scene is set to The Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz”, marking one of the few excellent choices made about this movie. But that one part does not make up for the rest of this mess. The scares and humor are mostly gone, giving way to gore for shock’s sake and terrible attempts at campy fun.
With Everhart and Miller, the film has two leads trying their best to “act”. Angie Everhart plays Lilith under the very simple direction of “vamp it up”. Seduction is staring intently and talking in a low voice. Rage is staring intently and speaking loudly while heavily bloodied. She is a poorly constructed caricature with teeth and not much bite. Dennis Miller might be able to pull off a decent performance, but not in this movie. He plays Guttman with a little too much snarky attitude, like he is about go off on a rant in the middle of staking someone. Also, it does not help that Miller has some truly awful lines to deliver. They can go everywhere from clichéd to cringe inducing, sometimes within the same sentence. The only bright spots in the cast are Corey Feldman and Chris Sarandon. Both play against their traditional parts in vamp movies, with Sarandon as the sleazy priest and Feldman as the sleazy vampire. They both swing for the fences and try to have fun with their roles, which makes watching them enjoyable.
There is no real reason to watch Bordello of Blood. Even if you are curious about the next Crypt movie, avoid this like the plague. There are better campy or so-bad-it’s-good movies out there. It cannot function as trashy fun, because for that to work it would have to be fun.
4 out of 10
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