Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)
Directed by John Harrison
Starring Deborah Harry, Christian Slater, David Johansen, William Hickey, James Remar, and Rae Dawn Chong
An imprisoned young boy is slated to be the main course of a woman’s dinner party. To stall for time and avoid evisceration, the boy starts telling the woman stories from the book she left in his cell. He reads three macabre tales while she should be preparing him for dinner. First, the boy tells a story of a bookish college student who has been cheated out of a scholarship. When he gets his hands on a mummy, his rivals and victimizers feel the wrath of his hard studying. Second, an old man hires a contract killer for the oddest job of his career: kill a deceptively evil black cat. Finally, there is a story of man who is spared death at the hands of winged monster provided he never tells anyone about it. After three stories, it is time for the boy to face this woman’s dinner plans.
Tales from the Darkside is a mostly decent anthology movie. It feels like there could have been more done to make some segments work better. However, it also does not really fail all that often. The bookending story is the weakest of the bunch, but that is forgivable. It sets up the segments well enough and gives you a palate cleanse between each. Both Deborah Harry and Matthew Lawrence as the woman and the kid respectively barely manage to make it through their scenes. Lawrence is more annoying than scared for his life. Harry alternates between looking like she does not care and looking like she is balancing her checkbook in her mind. But again, it is just supposed to introduce each story.
The three segments vary in quality, but all are at least decent. The first segment, “Lot 249”, has a lot going for it. It has three major actors at various stages of their careers: Christian Slater, Julianne Moore, and Steve Buscemi. Slater and Moore do not do much with their roles except act waspy and conniving. Buscemi has more fun with his role, playing it arrogant and vindicated all in one breath. The mummy looks alright and there is even a fun scene with him getting taken apart. Not bad, but not great.
The second segment is the most enjoyable for its sense of morbid humor. “Cat from Hell”, based on the Stephen King story of the same name, feels like a really dark episode of Looney Tunes. The killer cat murdering people is nearly always juxtaposed with it looking playful and cute. One of the murder flashbacks uses an obviously fake cat while it is smothering someone. The whole bit is hilarious, unintentional or not. Plus, it is probably the most adorable asphyxiation ever in a horror movie. David Johansen is the other part of what makes this segment good. You always feel like he is about to explode, twitching violently and starring with murderous intent. Seeing a cute cat do some unspeakably terrible things to the lead singer of The New York Dolls is worth the rest of the movie. This one is the real winner of the movie.
Finally, the third piece is called “Lover’s Vow”. This is the straightest horror in the whole film. It has a certain fable-like quality to it and an ending right out of the pre-Disney fairy tales. The real highlight of this segment is the monster suit and effects, which are quite good. Outside of that, however, the segment flounders a bit. The characters are thin and the actors just manage to carry it until the creature reemerges. It is another segment that needed a little more to make it special.
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is no classic, but it still has some moments of a fun horror movie. Seek this out if you love anthologies and expect to be underwhelmed. If you are hungry for a new anthology, this will be but a snack.
6 out of 10
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